“Once you start recognizing the truth of your story, finish the story. It happened but you’re still here, you’re still capable, powerful, you’re not your circumstance. It happened and you made it through. You’re still fully equipped with every single tool you need to fulfill your purpose.” ― Steve Maraboli
Here I am again, waiting for the sunset to come. There is something about the sunset with its vibrant splash of colors that draws me closer to life, that reminds me to pause for a while, and take life one day at a time.
I watched intently as the sun made its slow descent down the horizon. How amazing it is to see the “sun sharing its magnificence while slowly taking time to rest…reminding us that there is beauty even in endings (@angelcyanith).”
What a beautiful sight to end a long day!
I loosened the laces of my running shoes, straightened out my legs, and opened the notebook that has been sitting on my lap. As I skimmed through the words written on the first few pages, I was brought to a realization that was made even clearer by the soothing sound of waves trying to reach me above the breakwater.
There were numerous things I wish I have and have not done.
There were words I wish I have boldly spoken and there were words I wish have kept in silence.
There were feelings I wish I have expressed and there were feelings I wish have just ignored or held back.
There were people I wish I have not known and there were people I wish I have valued more.
There were life-changing lessons I wish I have learned well and there were painful realities I wish I have understood and accepted earlier in life.
There were places I wish I could no longer remember and there were places I wish I have never been to.
There were opportunities I wish I have seized with a braver heart and there were challenges I wish I have faced with a tougher mind.
There were dreams I wish I have not surrendered to fears and there were possibilities I wish I could have achieved if only I fought a little harder.
There were seemingly beautiful bridges I wish I burnt immediately after the first time I mistakenly crossed them, and there were wide-open doors I wish I have not chosen to enter because they would lead me to misery.
There were journeys I wish I have finished well and there were journeys I wish I have never started.
There were decisions I wish I was smart enough to not let my heart decide on and there were choices I wish I made more wisely that could have put me in a better position today.
This is my life story ― full of regrets.
It has been thirty years today since hope was first seen through my innocent eyes. It is the same hope that kept this life story keeping on, holding on.
But sometimes, it is hard to hope.
Several times, my heart and faith failed. My soul became troubled and weary. I have lost more battles than I won. I have lost sight of all the interesting things that life has to offer, and I wondered what is there to hope for.
Hope can be as cold as death in the darkest night, but it can also be as warm as the sunshine that gives a wellspring of life every morning.
Regrets of the past marred certain episodes of my story, but no matter how twisted and chaotic my story has been, I have to remember that there is always a hope. It is a steadfast hope, that despite my unsavory beginning, my story can come to a redemptive ending.
So, what do I do with regrets?
I grieve through them with hope, with a great expectation that things are going to be okay because “I am confident that God is able to orchestrate everything to work toward something good and beautiful when I love Him and accept His invitation to live according to His plan (Romans 8:28 Voice).”
My story isn’t over.
Hope breaks through my regrets. Hope remains. Hope never dies. Hope redeems my story.
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