I’ve always wanted to tell you this, but I was very ashamed…and disappointed with the level of faith that I have. I knew I’ve let go of the wheels. Those were my choices. I’m not blaming You; You had nothing to do with it.
I knew what I was doing.
I was obsessed with my dreams. I was constantly driven to prove myself. I was thinking that my victory was their defeat. I loved it God, I loved the feeling of being able to look down at them.
It was sort of a revenge that left me lonely. I was unhappy. I was empty. I used to wake up in the morning and go through the daily motions of life like a walking dead.
I was hurting.
Then, it seemed that revenge fired back at me.
My mighty walls were torn down. My long safeguarded privacy was exposed. My shattered soul was bared. My mask came off and the grieving child inside me was revealed. I was made vulnerable. The intruder knew all along where my weakest point was. He was on the target. Bull’s eye! He hit me right on the very spot – my heart!
God, you’re the greatest intruder of my life. Your stubborn love is the best weapon that has ever conquered my life. Your powerful love broke the walls around my heart. I’ve been set free.
God, thank you for breaking my heart. I’m no longer protected from life.
I can love because you first gave me your unfailing love. I can forgive because your forgiveness cleansed my sins. I can forget because you’ve taught me how to move on. I can let go because you showed me beautiful things that are worth holding on to.
I can stop my desires and wants because you made me realize what truly matters in eternity. I can trust because you keep putting in me the trust that I so undeserved. I can heal because you made me realize that only through my wounds will I be able to heal others.
I can walk alone without fear because you are with me. I’m not lost because you coursed the path to righteousness. I can see in the dark because you gave me the strength to pursue the truth that shines with light. I can live because you showed me the best way that Jesus lives.
I can share my life because you filled my voidness with love, happiness, kindness, and blessings.
I’m forever thankful that you’ve not given up on me; that you’ve been waiting patiently for me to come back. I was hurting Father since I ran away, but what you couldn’t do was to lock me out. Thank you for taking care of me; for always thinking of me. I’m not running away again and by your mercy and grace, I resolve to keep this promise.
God. Whatever you need to do. I am ready.
Clinging to the cross,